Singin' "Idon'twannawait!!! For my buuuuuttt to get small-e-r-r!"

Could we hurry this up, please?

I am clearly a very impatient girl.  I've been at this almost a month now.  Tomorrow, in fact.  And things are progressing nicely.  I'm right on track and slightly ahead of schedule in terms of weight loss.  That's good, right?

Tonight, in my closet I found myself flipping through clothes and deciding what to wear to the office tomorrow.  I realized how many cute things I still can't cram myself into, held up a great pair of jeans, and I started singing the title of this blog:  "Idon'twannawait! For my buuuuutt to get small-er-r!"  (With apologies to Paula Cole, whom I adore...)

And it's true.  I don't want to wait.  I want to hit fast forward and instantly be 101 pounds smaller and wear the things that I think I should wear and look the way I think I should look.  I can see it in my mind, and I just want to see it on the rest of me.  (Or off the rest of me, I suppose.)

But maybe that's the problem with me, I think.  My need for instant gratification is what got me here in the first place, I suppose.  I wanted a cigarette (or something else), and I ate something instead.  And now here I am, two years later and staring at a number on a scale I could never have conceived of before.  I didn't get here in a month, and I won't lose it all in a month either.  (Which blows.)

So, I will wait.  I will be patient.  (I actually make a face like I'm tasting something bitter when I say those words out loud!)  I will continue to set small goals and celebrate successes along the way.  But I don't have to *like* it, just for tonight, do I?

Swimming in a Sea of Temptations & Seeing Clearly

Though swimming in a sea of tasty temptations,
I'm learning to "clear my mask," so to speak,
and see my choices for what they are.

Wow, what an amazing couple of weeks!  I've been swimming in a sea of temptations, beginning with "Travel Week".

I have been a bad girl about blogging, and it all began as one of many stumbles (I'm resisting the word "failures") during my travel week.  I left home bright and early on June 13 and experienced rush-rush-rush all the live-long day.  I began by eating right, but my good choices turned to poor ones the minute we got to Dallas and I got extremely busy.  I'll skip the gory details and instead offer these few "nuggets."  The week was marked by restaurant choices that included a Spaghetti Warehouse (pasta is such a hard one for me) and a number of other deliciously tempting establishments with things like fresh-made flour tortillas and various and sundry cheese-covered Tex Mex creations.  I did make a few good choices, including a beautiful Steak Medallions and Iceberg Wedge salad.  

When I got back from travel week, I prepared for a major feeling of "fail on the scale," but was happy to find I had only gained back a pound.  I thank an incredibly active week that included being up before the sun and staying busy until late evening every night.  I was definitely on my feet more than usual each day, as we were photographing and taking video at sunup every day.  I was so grateful to see the scale only creep up by a pound.

Since travel week, I have continued to swim in this sea of temptations.  Sometimes I cave in to them, and sometimes I don't.  I'm discovering that the way to "clear my mask" and see my choices properly is just to be up front and honest about what I'm eating.  On those days when I don't eat the way I think I should, I am still tracking my food intake (my "points" on Weight Watchers).  If I don't like the number, there is always tomorrow.  I have to remember that when my eyes open each morning, it's like I've hit the "Reset" button and I get to start fresh.  A single stumble does not a failure make!

I've had a few days recently when I've eaten things I wasn't happy about later, such as the slice of garlic bread I had with an otherwise healthy pasta dish a few nights ago at an Italian restaurant, or the deep fried green bean appetizer at Louie's Bar & Grill that I shared with girlfriends from high school and washed down with a "Lemonada" (frozen lemonade with a hint of raspberry vodka).  Those were not great days in terms of points, but I still stayed on plan for the week because those just became some of the bonus points allowed within the Weight Watchers plan.

I saved the best news for last.  I haven't behaved perfectly.  I haven't eaten perfectly.  I haven't exercised perfectly.  But I have stayed committed to doing what's best and taking this one day at a time and a few short goals at a time.  Before leaving on the trip, my goal was to hit my first five pounds lost, and I have done that!  Woohoo!!!!  When I got on the scale last week for my weigh-in, I was down a little over 7 pounds since I started.  Double woohoo!!

But here's the even better part of the best part of the very best part:  I weighed in again this morning.  I had spent yesterday on the river canoeing with some dear friends and had eaten very healthy all day, but I just didn't feel I had consumed as much water as I should, and I was still feeling the effects of the poor eating at Louie's the night before (the aforementioned Lemonadas and fried green beans, you see).  But the news on the scale this morning made me dance around the bathroom in my unmentionables for a moment, because -- kids, I'm down 9.3 pounds.  Nine-point-three, baby.  I am getting a glimpse of what it's going to feel like to see double-digit weight loss for the first time since I began this challenge, and I see it in the coming days.  My first 10 pounds will be gone, and I'll be 10% of my way to meeting this challenge, and doing it on schedule.

So I'm staying on points.  And I'm drinking my water.  I wrapped this evening by walking the dogs, then walking a little while longer by myself.  In a few minutes, I'll head to bed and prepare to hit that "reset" button again tomorrow.  I have my heart set on being down 10 pounds when I weigh in officially on Wednesday!

Ridin' Big Scheldon... Again!

Jeez, that title sounds dirty.  But whatever...

I will admit that I had a tough day today and was more than a little cranky.  There's a small possibility I might have used some really bad words at several times today.

Here's the scoop.  I only have one more day to work with my fabulous new boss -- whom I adore and have only worked with for seven weeks -- and then he's leaving the company.  Well, he's in the office all next week, but I will be in Dallas on business the whole week and won't see him again after tomorrow.  It sucks with a capital UCKS, to be honest.

Smoked chicken on a wheat round
with organic spinach and dijon.
Fabulous!

The good news:  I didn't *eat* those feelings.  I stayed on plan today, enjoying a beautiful smoked chicken sandwich with fresh organic spinach and dijon mustard on a 100-calorie wheat sandwich round with carrot chips and a delicious Yoplait Delight chocolate eclair yogurt for dessert.  (I'm not really a yogurt fan, but those are delicious.)

By the time I got home tonight, I had eaten well, and I'd had three (count them, three) liters of water today, which were all reasons to feel good.  Emotionally, though, I just wanted to lie down in the floor and bawl.  I had a light dinner on the couch and watched a DVR'd copy of "Modern Family" from last night and could have cheerfully gone to bed for a good cry.  The good news:  I didn't do that.  Instead, I changed into my new workout capris and tank that I bought for myself as a reward for doubling my weight loss goal last week (Yay!!!!), threw on my bike helmet, and I took big Scheldon (my bike) for another ride.

Big Scheldon

Tonight, we hit two different trails in Fayetteville, and I was familiar with neither.  I rode down to the bottom of the giant hill where I live, made a left turn onto the Hoosiwhatsit trail (the name of which I can't remember now), and it meandered through all kinds of beautiful natural scenes that one doesn't even know are there when one drives a car all the time.  I wound up across the highway off Joyce Blvd (apologies to those who don't know Northwest Arkansas), then rode back here, hit another trail, which meandered through even more beautiful, secluded natural scenes.  I wound up going through a long tunnel that took me under the interstate and came out by Washington Regional Hospital, where I turned around and headed home.

The big hill on which I live poses a challenge coming home.  It's at the end of my ride, and it's, quite frankly, murderous.  I keep thinking I'll eventually ride the whole thing, so each day's goal is just to get a little further than last time.  I went about 30 feet past where I did the other day, so I'm calling it a win.

When I got home, I wasn't ready to quit and the sun was still up, so I rode around my neighborhood a little just for some extra time on Scheldon.  Now, I'm typing this as breakneck speed so I can hit the shower and jump into my jammies.

It's funny how I always forget what exercise does for my emotional state.  It's amazing to me to think of the things that I used to do to try to "medicate" myself when I was sad.  And that list of "medications" included everything from cigarettes to chocolate to things I won't even mention here.  What's miraculous -- nothing works like exercise.  It's a high.  A legal one.  And I'm diggin' it.

Shower time!  Love!

Please Don't *Actually* Duct Tape 4 Lbs. of Hamburger to Your Butt

I didn't even want to drink water.  That's the truth!  

I was so excited and worried at the same time about my weigh-in at lunchtime today, so much so that this morning I had a hard time eating.  I didn't want to drink water because I was afraid it was going to sabotage my first glance at a scale since that dreaded number it showed me one week ago.  That devil scale was not going to make me cry again!

I knew my fears were unfounded, but rationality has never been my strong suit.  Nevertheless, after days and days of chugging water, I had to drink water anyway because my body was literally crying out for it.  I also decided it was silly not to eat, because I know that skipping meals is not a healthy choice, and I said on day one that I had to make healthy choices.  No skipping meals or doing anything crazy to try and artificially take this weight off. 

I just had to trust the program and trust that my week of good choices and exercise would pay off!  To be on track with the 101-pound challenge, I need to lose 1.94 pounds per week for one year, so just two little pounds off the scale today, and I would claim victory.  I had to have faith.  (Imagine that...)

At lunchtime, I jumped in my car and forced myself to stay out of the fast lane on the highway because I knew I'd get a ticket.  I just wanted to get that scale behind me.  When I got to my WW meeting, I hustled in the door, wrote a check, made a name tag, and headed for the scale.

My heart literally thumped the whole time I stood on that scale.  I could hear it in my ears.  I wanted success at this first weigh-in so badly!  When the lady doing my weigh-in said, "Oooh, great job," I nearly yelled, "Woohoo!" before I even looked at the card.  When I looked closer, I hadn't lost two pounds; I had lost a little over four.  I saved the loud, "Woohoo!" for the (private) ride back to the office, but I did say a polite little, "Yay!" right there at the time.

Four pounds!  I literally didn't stop smiling for hours.  Four pounds in week 1.  Maybe that's not a lot of weight to some, but if four pounds doesn't sound like much, I hereby offer you this challenge.  Go to your freezer, take out four pounds of hamburger, and duct tape them to your butt.  Walk around for a few minutes, and then tell me again that four pounds isn't much!  To me, four pounds was a miracle.  Four pounds felt flippin' fantastic! 

So say it with me now, "WooHOOOOOOO!!!!!" (I'm adding a little happy dance with some finger snapping also.  WithOUT four pounds attached to my butt.)

So, one week down and four pounds shed.  I have nearly 97 pounds to go to reach my ultimate goal, and that sounds pretty scary.  But when it's broken down into small parts, it really feels achievable.  Next week's goal is to lose two more pounds.  And two more pounds I can do.  

It's on, baby.  Woohoo!

This is basically my little "Woohoo!" dance
I was doing tonight, but this was over a decade
ago (at Mardi Gras, so no sass about the shirt!)
I remember having these legs. And I'm
on a mission to have them again!

Wrapping Up Week 1: Prepping for First Weigh-In

No hotdogs for me for a while.  I'm
eating healthy!  (Not that sweet
little Minnie is edible anyway, even
in her hotdog costume!  But gosh
dang it, isn't she cute?)

Tonight I joined my precious friend Lea Ann and some girls from her church for dinner and conversation, which rocked.  What rocks even more (OK, maybe not *more*, but it rocks a lot!) is that she has now jumped on the get-fit bandwagon as well.  Woohoo!  No better way than doing it as a team, no?

Lea Ann prepared a beautiful meal:
*Perfectly cooked chicken breasts from her grill
*A lovely salad with light dressing and lots of veggies
*Green beans with salsa (try it, seriously!)

And for dessert:  A simply gorgeous fruit salad with a light dressing made from peach pie filling.  (Scrumptious and healthy.)  Even with dessert, I still stayed within my points today, and what was even better was doing it without having to deny myself anything.  Portion control and planning ahead were the keys to success today! In fact, portion control and planning ahead have been working well all week...

Which brings me to the next tidbit of news... tomorrow I am ONE WEEK into this 101-pound challenge!  At lunchtime, I will have my first Weight Watcher weigh-in since starting the program.  To be on schedule for the 101-in-1 challenge to which I've committed, I need to be down approximately two pounds since last week.

I'm hoping and praying to see that much change on the scale!  So far, I've done everything as prescribed, including activity every day -- even a couple of days of very intense activity, such as Sunday's 6-mile walk and last night's several-mile bike ride -- plus staying within points and drinking an obscene amount of water.  I have definitely learned what the inside of the ladies room looks like in my office!

And I don't miss the junk food at all, which is surprising.  I already have more energy, too.  In just a week.  I'm very excited, but nervous about tomorrow.  I know I can't hang my heart on that number, but I really, REALLY want to see some progress in week one.  Really.  (Deep breaths.)

So, seven days down.  Pounds lost?  Tomorrow is the weigh-in, so stay tuned...

A New Toy. Possibly Named "Scheldon."

I'm ready to ride!

The fun continued today!  I spent the afternoon with another one o' the "besties," my very best girlfriends, and caught a movie, "Something Borrowed."  A blast!  I always love spending time with this friend, and today was no exception.  A bonus was that I was able to pack healthy snacks in my purse, and I brought a big bottle of Smart Water, so there was no serious temptation to get tons of unhealthy food at the snack bar.  (I heard the popcorn scream to me as I passed by, but I held up my hand and said, "Shut it, you popcorn!"  And it did.)

"Scheldon"?

Finally, after the movie, my friend was kind enough to drive me to the store to buy a new toy.  I needed her help and her car with the big, open back to do so, because the new toy doesn't fit in my ride.  My new toy is a little celebration of a new commitment to fitness: a new bike.  I had a bike already, but only a little one-speed cruiser, which wasn't sufficient to ride any real distance from my place, especially in hilly Fayetteville, AR.  But I picked up this new hybrid, which is comfortable to ride but can also do on- or off-road riding, and I can't wait to try it out on the trails here!  Woohoo!

Now, the bike needs a name.  The old one-speed bike is "Anita Ward."  (Do you remember Ms. Ward's song?  "You can ring my be-e-e-e-e-e-ell...ring my bell..."  Appropriate for a bike, no?)  But this new bike needs something different.  Not sure what that's going to be yet.  It's a Schwinn, so I'm thinking "Scheldon" might work.

Six Miles, Baby. Six Miles.

The beautiful trail in Bentonville, AR, where
we walked six -- count them, SIX -- miles.

What a magnificent start to an awesome day.  It’s Sunday, and I would normally sleep later than normal, get up and make a big breakfast, and then have some time to relax.  Instead, today I got up at 6:30, showered, dressed, and drove 30 miles to meet two girlfriends at an absolutely amazing bike/run/walk trail at 8 am.  (I did.  Yes, me.  I did that.)

My original intent was to break in some new “quad line” speed skates that I bought a while back and have only had a chance to use a couple of times.  My fear, though, was that I wouldn’t be able to skate at all because of ankle injuries that are still healing from falling down the stairs well over a month ago.  But, as it turned out, I was able to skate briefly – long enough to feel satisfied that I gave it my best shot and will be able to do more as my ankles continue to heal – but afterward I walked the trail instead.

Now, when I say “I walked the trail,” I don’t mean I meandered down a short trail.  I walked about a while on my own (my girlfriends were there to run it and I had asked them to go ahead and to meet me somewhere in the middle when they turned to come back).  About a half-mile or so down, my friends were on their way back after their run, and while one had to leave, the other agreed to walk further down the trail with me.

Construction at Crystal Bridges

Here’s the best part.  We walked to a vantage point overlooking Crystal Bridges, which is a beautiful new museum under construction there, which was a full three miles away.  By the time our trail walk concluded, we had walked six miles.  (Yes, six miles.  Yes, me.  Yes, I did that.  I did.  Well, my friend and I did.  Yes we did.)

And it was a breathtaking walk.  The weather? Gorgeous.  The creeks and streams are still carrying a lot of water, so we saw lots of beautiful waterfalls, and we ran across exactly two little turtles along the way also.  Last, Mother Nature was kind enough to keep her snake friends to herself, which I always consider a bonus!

Mr. Turtle, who really wanted to race me.

Getting fit proved to be fun this morning, and getting some girl time at the same time… well, that was just the best!  We even concluded afterward with a healthy lunch, which helped me stay on my plan for this entire day.  Loved, loved, LOVED this day!  Woohoo!!!

Rules of Enagement

Healthy, fun activity, *not* just hitting
the gym. This zipline was a blast!

OK, let's establish some ground rules up front.  I've got to have the right approach for this journey to be successful.  When I was much (much, much) younger, I had very poor, unhealthy habits toward food and my body.  Frankly, I abused my body pretty badly in the name of staying thin.  It worked, except I looked like the Ghost of Bulimics Past or something.  It was obvious I wasn't healthy.

But if I go back further, my earlier teenage years, I remember just being athletic.  I was a little hardbody because I worked out a-l-l-l-l-l the time.  I ate whatever I wanted because I never worried about putting on a pound, and I was all muscle and energy.  That's where I want to be again -- healthy, strong, fit, active.

So, just to make sure I keep this journey an appropriate, healthy one, some ground rules:

• No unhealthy habits, like starving myself (or worse), and no skipping meals regularly.
• No pills (unless the doctor says so).
• No weird "fad" diet things.  This means I will be eating neither copious amounts of grapefruit nor cabbage soup nor bacon and eggs, nor pre-packaged frozen meals from some weight loss center or other.  Healthy, balanced eating only.  Period.
• No obsessively weighing myself.  My "official" weigh-in will be every Wednesday, and I will allow myself to weigh at home, but only once a day, not every time I pass by the scale or consume a morsel of food.
• Healthy, fun activity.  I can use the gym, but I can't *just* use the gym.  I have to find ways to be active that are more enjoyable than walking in place.  (I'm a thrill-seeker, too, so let's be honest here; I can find something to do that's not just hitting the treadmill, right?)
• No negative self-talk.  That doesn't mean I won't joke about this process once in a while, but that self-loathing "I-am-so-fat" kind of self-talk is truly destructive.  I want to affirm my progress as this goes along instead of lamenting the road that got me here.
• Complete honesty with myself and this blog. That means if I gain a pound or two I don't get to quit, and I don't get to sink into denial about the whole thing.  Eyes open, full speed ahead!
• I'm doing the Weight Watchers system for tracking points each day instead of counting calories and the like.  I know many folks who have achieved long-term success using their healthy eating and fitness program, so I'm giving it a shot.
• The challenge began when I stepped on that scale -- I shall call it "Devil Scale" -- and it showed me that inconceivable number.  That was June 1, 2011.  I have one year to lose 101 pounds.  That's less than two pounds per week (1.92 lbs/week) to reach this goal by June 1, 2012.

OK, fair enough?  Let's do it!

Actually, a tiny bit of progress to report already.  It's Saturday, June 4 today, and I've already lost the first pound.  One down, a few to go, all the while remembering this:  Healthy. Strong. Fit. Active.

A Journey of 101 Pounds Begins With 1 Step: Onto the Scale!

I *so* wish this was the end of the journey and not the beginning!  I wish I was writing this blog as a sort of memoir of things that have already happened.  I wish there was a photo of me smiling -- all thin and gorgeous and carefree -- holding up a pair of jeans big enough for two of me.

"Holy schnikes!  I've gained HOW MUCH weight?!?"

Um, yeah.  Not yet.  No instant gratification here, because this is the start of this journey.  I am writing this blog to hold myself accountable, because I don't want to give up hope that I can lose this weight.


See, two years ago, I took a great, self-affirming step and finally -- FINALLY, after 20 years! -- quit smoking for good. I am grateful every day not to be enslaved to cigarettes anymore, because I had tried to quit unsuccessfully so many times before.  One colossal caveat: In two years, I gained fifty-eight pounds -- Gah! 58 pounds! -- and I had needed to lose 40 or so already. (Ouch!) 


On June 1, 2011, I slinked quietly into a Weight Watchers meeting during my lunch break, stepped onto a scale for the first time in months, and I was shocked to see a number I never thought I'd see. EVER.  I vowed to do whatever it took to shed that weight.  And so my journey, and of course this blog, were born. I have 101 pounds to lose to reach my goal weight, and I'm giving myself one year to do it.

June 1, 2011 to June 1, 2012: One Girl. One Year. 101 Pounds.  Let's rock.